


The Oustider

by xRoseHazukix



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Horror, M/M, Mental Anguish, Nightmares, Promise It'll Be a Happy Ending, Psychological Trauma, Tall Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), The Only Person Who 'Dies' is Eren, Yandere!Levi, psychological healing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-07-18 05:38:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7301647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xRoseHazukix/pseuds/xRoseHazukix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darkness and silence, it always started that way. No matter what I do before I lay my head down my dreams always start with darkness and silence. The ever present fear started to shoot through my body. My mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton and my body was frozen stiff. The dreams usually weren’t this intense, but this one felt different. I wondered when he would show up. The bane of my existence. The blight of my dreams. The reason why I was afraid to sleep. The reason why I was who was I then.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was based off a project I wrote for a school project and yes, I turned this in. It was filled with blood, horror, and a really tragic end. Will this fic end the same?

Darkness and silence, it always started that way. No matter what I do before I lay my head down my dreams always start with darkness and silence. The ever present fear started to shoot through my body. My mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton and my body was frozen stiff. The dreams usually weren’t this intense, but this one felt different. I wondered when he would show up. The bane of my existence. The blight of my dreams. The reason why I was afraid to sleep. The reason why I was who was I then.

The darkness and silence started to fade eventually and I found myself in front of an old and rustic looking mansion. Outside the night sky had only a red, eerie moon. I moved my head back to stare at it as the wind whipped around my brown hair. I looked back down and peered at the house set in front of me. I was hesitant to even go near the place, but I knew that the dream wouldn’t end if I didn’t go forward. I put one foot forward and headed inside of my new source of horror and pain.

I thought that inside the wind would die down, but it seemed as if the wind became wilder and harder to handle. After opening the door, I immediately stepped into the living room. All the furniture was blanketed in grey cloth and covered in dust. I took a tentative step and almost leapt back when the ancient wooden floor screeched under my weight. I tried to take a breath to calm down my racing heart, but my lungs wouldn’t cooperate. I could feel my teal eyes start to tear up from lack of oxygen, but I knew I wouldn’t die here.

Ignoring the creaking floor, I walked through the creepy living room and into an open hallway. To the left of me was the kitchen, to the right was a closed door, and in front of me was a winding staircase covered in cobwebs and filth. I swallowed and began to ascend the stairs. I wanted to look behind me, but I had the feeling if I did he would be behind me. He would be there to pin me down to the stairs and scratch and stab at my skin. He would be there to whisper those sweetly poisonous words. He would be there to make me feel pain and guilt.

I was at the top of the staircase, not daring to look back. There was a door that was set ajar, as if it was seduce my curiosity to open and peer inside. My hand was reaching out to open the door when I heard the front door open and slam shut. The loud, jarring sound vibrated throughout the house. My stomach slammed down with dread and my entire being was filled with dread.

Without thinking twice, I slid into the dark room and silently close and locked the door behind me, not knowing that I would regret that action later. I groped the walls searching for a light switch. When I found it I flicked it up and my breath caught. There he was, sitting in the middle of the room in an elegant throne. He was had a bored look on his face, but I would see that malice filled amusement dancing in his eyes. After years of being tortured by one man would find it easy to read their emotions. His dark, raven hair was immaculate as usual, always shaped into a pristine undercut. Those dark, steely eyes cut into me halting every movement in my body.

For a while, we just stared at each other. The only thing I could hear was the loud thumping in my chest and the timed drip drop in the background. I wanted to run, but my body was frozen by that stare. It always went that way when it came to this. This standoff between the predator and prey. I was about to turn and make a run to the door when his voice reverberated through my head.

 _“I don’t think that would be a good idea.”_ I turned to look at him with fearful and questioning eyes. “ _That monster from before is still out there.”_ I glanced back at the door and the loud thumping started again. It sounded like it was on the stairs now, but…I thought that was him. Was he telling me that wasn’t him?

 _“Are you telling me you’d rather worry over that disgusting monster than me?”_ I whipped around and he was right in front of me. I looked down so I didn’t look into his chilling eyes. Both of his strong, muscular arms made a cage and I couldn’t escape. He started to walk forward and sank back against the door. He stopped when there was barely any space between me and him. I could feel is strangely cold breath against me and a whimper of fear slipped from me. He chuckled and lean down, dangerously close to my exposed neck.

“ _I wonder what would happen if that monster would to snatch you up.”_ My wide, terrified eyes shot up and was met with cold, angry eyes. I knew that he could get jealous from anything, but this was ridiculous. I was afraid of what he would do next, but this world stood still when the next thing happened.

                   The door burst open and two hairy and disgusting arms came forth. Those nasty, furry arms wrapped around me and he swiftly stepped back and gave me a rare cold smile. I could feel the beast behind me start to pull back. I tried to reach out with one my pinned arms and screamed with all my might.

                   “Levi!”


	2. Waking from Dread

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This second chapter is really late, but what can you do?

I woke up in a cold sweat and wrapped up in my comforter. I didn’t move, soaking in what happened last night. These dreams have been happening for almost two years and in those two years, my life unraveled. At first, I thought they were just normal nightmares with a scary guy, but when they were consecutive for two months I began to worry. I wanted to reach out and talk to someone, I thought that Mikasa and Armin would understand. However, that very night, Levi appeared before me and convinced me that if I told, no one would understand our love. Love? Every night for two years I see myself die by his hands one way or another. Every morning I would wake up like this. I knew that what I felt for him wasn’t love, but fear. That nightmare did convince me that no one would believe and think that I’m some psychopath.

                   These nightmares started to affect my life in every way. Mentally, I was destroyed. When I walked outside alone I would look over my shoulder and at school I would jump when anyone touched me. Physically, I was constantly tired. In the time that I have been inflicted with these nightmares, I have spent days on end staying up. I drunk coffee, took energy shots, I’ve done anything to never fall asleep, but eventually I did. When I feel asleep, Levi would appear in front of me from the start. No, build up, no tension, just blazing anger raging in his eyes. I stopped trying to avoid him after the third time. In those dreams, the pain felt ten times worse and he was ruthless with the torture, spitting at me about how stupid it was to evade true love. I shivered just thinking about those deaths.

                   I lugged my exhausted body from my bed and into my adjoining bathroom. After running through my morning routine, I stepped out of the bathroom and pulled on some sweats and a ragged T-shirt. I sat on the edge of my bed and placed my face in my hands. Sighing, I thought about something productive I could do.

                   I’ve graduated high school a year ago but didn’t go to university. I became wary of meeting new people, forever afraid that the next person may be him and that thought kept me locked up inside. Because of that fear I lived in a small home far from people, but close enough to a convenience store. I had a job in stocks, only spending an hour or so maintaining them and then going on to do nothing. I knew that my life was empty, but the anxiety always stopped me. My friends constantly called me to check up on me and invite me out, but I would decline most of the time.

                     I jumped up when I felt my pocket start to vibrate. I was on the verge of a panic attack when I realized that it was just my phone. I slowly took it out and checked the caller ID. It was Mikasa, my best friend since I was born. Mikasa and I’s parents were friends from as far back as high school and when Mikasa’s parents passed, we gladly took her in. I get depressed just thinking about how our relationship over the past two years became strained thanks to him. I wish I was strong like Mikasa; she would probably deck Levi in the face. The mental image brought a small smile to my face and I answered the phone.

                 “ _Eren._ ” She said in her usual flat tone. Just hearing her voice brought some light into my dim life and I answered with a dry sounding hello.

                   “I’m on my way over, be ready in five minutes.” After she uttered those words, she hung up. There was no way to argue with her now, she went out of her way to come drag me out of my miserable cesspool. I sighed and stood up, throwing on a black T-shirt, black joggers, and dark green Vans. I walked out of my room and to my entry way. I grabbed my forest green hoodie and opened my door to stand outside.

                   I slowly slid on my hoodie and leaned against the beam on my porch. I watched the dark gray sky as I waited for Mikasa to arrive. That day was windy and it reminded me out last night. I shivered as the breeze whipped around my hair. I pulled my hoodie closer to me and closed my eyes, hoping for thoughts to distract me from my fears of him.

                   Four minutes passed, I counted in my head to distract me when Mikasa finally pulled up in my driveway. She hopped out her black BMW X6 and calmly walked up to me. I gave her a smile and she frowned with a concerned face. She placed a cold, pale hand on my cheek and made a noise of displeasure.

                   “Have you been eating properly? You’ve gotten paler.” I made a half-assed excuse of lack of the sun being the problem and walked away from her and towards her car. I knew that she was standing behind me concerned out her mind for me, but I ignored it. I’ve been doing so for two years now. I opened the passenger door and sat down. I buckled up and waited for Mikasa. She eventually came in and silently buckled up, turned the key in the ignition, and pulled out of the driveway.

                   After driving for about twenty minutes she finally spoke and asked me if I had eaten breakfast that morning. I shook my head and replied with a small no. I glanced over and saw that her frown as grown larger. She sighed in defeat and told me that Armin was waiting for us at iHop and that I better eat. I hummed, not wanting to give her a reply and leaned my head against the window. When I was younger I loved to fall asleep in vehicles, whether it was a bus, car, or even a boat. The rocking was perfect for lulling me to slumber. Now, I fear it, for obvious reasons. There were sometimes that I would slip up and fall asleep and when I opened my eyes, Levi would be behind the steering wheel, ready to drive straight into the nearest object. Resisting the urge to sleep, I watched the passing scenery whip by.

We finally pulled up to the restaurant, but Mikasa didn’t leave the car. Instead, she sat there, hands gripping the steering wheel so hard her knuckles were white and her faced looked as if she swallowed something sour. I placed a gentle hand on her tense shoulders and she relaxed slowly. We were both silent for a while until I spoke up asking her what was bothering her. She slowly looked over at me with dark watery eyes.

“I can ask you the same thing,” I tensed up and waited for the incoming blow, “Two years. Two years, you’ve been acting as if something was haunting you and whenever we asked you look like you’ve seen a ghost. I just want you to tell us.” I stared into her dark eyes and my blind went blank. I loved Mikasa, she was like a little sister to me. The last thing I wanted to do was cause her any harm. If that meant causing pain for me, so be it.

I retracted my hand, unbuckled my seatbelt, and got out of the car. I could feel Mikasa’s disappointed glare at the back of my head, but I couldn’t care. I walked inside iHop and asked the receptionist for Armin’s table. She escorted me to the table by a large window where I saw a blonde coconut smiling eagerly. I smiled back and slid into the seat across from him.

My second favorite person in the entire world took a small sip of his coffee and asked me how my morning was. I told him I just woke up about an hour ago and we went into a small conversation, waiting for the final piece of our trio. She finally came and the hostess came asking for Mikasa and I’s drinks. I ordered a water and Mikasa ordered a coffee.

When she left the table fell into an odd silence. Armin looked from me to Mikasa and back to me. I could tell that he sensed that the attempt of a conversation failed in the car, but didn’t want to bring it up. I asked Armin how school was going with the fakest smile I could muster.

 

I was well into my stuffed French toast when Armin cleared his throat loudly. I looked up from my plate and rose an eyebrow expectedly. The blonde seemed nervous, his bright blue eyes flitting from me to Mikasa. I set down my fork and knife and waited for the anxious blonde to say whatever was on his mind.

“We love you, Eren. The fact that we’re about to have this conversation in an iHop makes me fill ridiculous, but you need to tell us what is going on with you.” I tried to stop my body from tensing up, but I could tell that Mikasa’s sharp eyes caught the movement. I swallowed the thick lump in my throat and gave a tiny sigh. This was it, after two long and excruciatingly painful and lonely years, I was going to tell the two most important people in my life what caused me to be this way. I opened my mouth, the explanation of my nightmares on the tip of my tongue when I saw him. He was there. Outside. He had that sinister smirk on his lips, waiting for me to reveal my secret and rip apart the people I loved the most.

“I’m sorry.” I stood up, leaving the Mikasa and Armin, and ran.


	3. Misconceptions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really late, sorry. This chapter is dedicated to @OtakuGoddess! Thanks so much for the idea and I promise to implement the idea in the fic. (I can't believe I didn't think of it myself)

I ran out the iHop, across the street, and into the woods nearby. I knew that running along the busy road would either end up with me hit by a truck or Mikasa cutting me off with her car. The cover provided by the trees were the safest bet to keep my friends safe from the sinister hands of Levi. I was finally ready to bear my heart to my friends, to tell them my darkest secret, but instead, Levi was there to stop me. The raven would always show up when the words of my confession were just about to jump out my mouth and I would run, run away from the fear of him hurting the only people tying me to this worldly plane.

                   My full out sprint slowed down to a light jog as I soaked in my new surroundings. I didn’t realize how deep those woods were and I stopped completely. I stared up and watched how the sun flitted through the leaves and branches. It was oddly beautiful; it was almost beautiful enough to make me forget about the pain and anguish that awaited me in my dreams tonight.

                   The angry vibrations in my pocket dragged me from my serenity. I quickly whipped it out of my pocket and unlocked the device. There multiple missed calls from Mikasa and a string of texts from Armin. I opened one the texts, curious of what he said.

                   **I’m sorry Eren, I didn’t think it stressed you out that much.**

**You should come back Mikasa is really worried.**

**I promise you-**

I stopped reading halfway. I was ashamed. Ashamed that I was so weak. Ashamed that I let one single being control my life for two whole years. Ashamed that I made me friends worry so much about me when they should be worrying about finals. I knew this line of thoughts only lead to self-loathing and depression. It had been a while since I fell into the dark depths of depression, surprisingly. I tucked my phone back into my pants and started to walk aimlessly. I was already lost and if I felt like going home I could always turn on my GPS.

 

* * *

 

                   The sun was about to set when I decided to go home. I ignored Mikasa and Armin frantic messages and knew I would be facing unbridled fury when I arrived home, maybe even police investing. I smiled a little thinking about Mikasa barking orders to the police officers cowering in fear from the aggressive female. I chucked at my ridiculous imagination and started to walk in the direction my GPS pointed me to.

                   Surprised was an understatement when I saw that no one was at my house. I absently thought that maybe Armin somehow talked the raven from full on invading my house, she did have a key after all. I slowly unlocked my door and stepped inside, only met by silence. I mindlessly wondered when my fear for silence developed. I stiffly yet quickly walked to my surround sound system. I plugged my phone up and clicked shuffle on my music. I relaxed slightly when the calming melody of Korean music flowed through the speakers. I quietly hummed along and went to retrieve my laptop from my room. After getting the item, I sat down on my sofa with a huff and went to work.

 

I opened my eyes and found myself back in the small woods I explored earlier that day. Wait…Opened? I never closed them. I was on my couch, contently doing my average, boring work. How did I get here? I choked on the foggy air surrounding the wood. I could feel the blood drain from my face. I wanted to smash my face into the nearest tree, how could I be so stupid as to fall asleep? I knew that running like a crazed animal and exploring for hours would take a toll on my body, but I knew full and well the consequences of rest.

The woods were different from before. When I was awake the grove was alive, light, and had an ethereal feel. Now, it had an ethereal feel, but in the worse sense. It was now dead, gloomy, and haunted. There was a feeling that I should walk forward and proceed with the sequence of this nightmare, but fear always held me back. Fear of the pain that will soon follow. Fear of the death that will once again happen. A gust of wind rustled my auburn hair, beckoning for me to face my awaiting fate. I swallowed the fear, and although it still clogged my throat, I took a hesitant step.

* * *

 

I spent some time searching for the raven haired male. I slowly grew accustomed to the dreary forest and even felt an odd sense of fascination. The murky woods were oddly comforting and I found myself wondering where Levi was. This was one of the nicest nightmares compared to the others. The breeze was comforting and gentle and the obscure sun made the woods cool. I stopped at a tree and sat against it, deciding that if Levi wanted me he would find me.

The breeze felt good against my skin. I wanted to enjoy the pleasant feeling as long as I could before the inevitable pain and suffering followed. I found myself humming the Korean song I was listening to when I was awake. It seemed as if hours passed with nothing happening. Was I bored? _Bored? What? Was I_ hoping _for him to come and torture me?_ There was no question that he knew where I was. He could always find me, no matter where I hid. So…what was happening?

I could feel the beginnings of drowsiness started to crawl upon me. My head made a loud ‘thunk’ noise when I leaned back and I really couldn’t be bothered by the pain. I was really sleepy. Although I never got tired in the nightmares, the only thing I felt was pain, despair, and anguish. Why was this so…pleasant?

I fought to keep my eyes open, staring at the sky change from blue to a lighter orange, but sleep won the battle. My lids slammed down and darkness was the only thing in my sights. I fell over and landed in a soft pile of fallen leaves. The last thing I remember was the feeling of long, dexterous fingers combing through my hair, but that _never_ be Levi, right? Then it hit as I woke up on my couch the next morning.

For the first time in two years, I didn’t have a nightmare.


	4. Delusions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter, another nightmare  
> Also in the end notes there will be spoilers to the Attack on Titan manga (avoid if not caught up)
> 
> Also, thank you for all the kudos and comments and if you have an idea for a nightmare don't be afraid to comment and I'll try to add it in!
> 
> This chapter is dedicated to @rin for trying to guess the real plot behind the story. I love the ideas and one may be right, but why would I ever reveal that now? <3 ^-^

For the first time in two years, I didn’t wake up to the image of my death rattling through my mind. I wasn’t drenched in a cold sweat. I wasn’t shaking. I wasn’t on the verge of a panic attack or riding the contents of my stomach. Was it…normal? I forgot what it felt like to wake up this way. I wasn’t sure what to do next. Should I go back to sleep and try it again? Or was it stupid to try and risk my peace even if it was temporary?

                   Deciding it wasn’t worth the risk, I slid out of my bed and went through my normal motions. However, through the morning I could not shake the feel that something was missing. It almost felt as though my chest was empty. I knew that the thoughts swirling around the back of my mind couldn’t be right. I hated the feeling of pain and death, I _did not_ miss that demon.

                   It was about mid-afternoon when I decided to answer the multiple missed calls and texts from Armin and, mainly, Mikasa. She had filled my phone with, at least, fifty calls and a hundred of texts. Armin was more discreet and only left five of each. I sighed to myself knowing that I was about to get my ear blown off by Mikasa. It would be a better idea to put my phone on speaker, it would decrease the damage to my ear and fill my empty house with sound. Two birds, one stone.

                   I clicked the call icon under my sister’s name and wasn’t surprised when she answered on the first ring. “Eren?!” It was so obvious how worried and concerned she was for my health. She always reacted like that, it wasn’t my first time running away from confrontation. I answered yes, sheepishly, a few feet away from my communication device.

                   “How could you do this to me _again,_ Eren? I thought that you were dead this time. Armin was the one that told me to wait a day, but I was terrified for every second that passed and you never answered!” Leave it to Mikasa to only get emotional when it came to me. I had no idea what to say. Before, I would have been able to spin some pretty sounding words to the raven haired woman, but now I felt almost socially handicapped, not sure how I should respond to such emotionally driven words.

                   I just stayed quiet, I knew what whatever I said next would just make her angrier, so I stayed silent. Mikasa said nothing for a minute allowing for silence to wrap around both of us. The raven sighed and I could hear her shuffling on the other side of the line. “Eren, I understand you’re having problems, but that was not okay. Look, tonight all of us are getting together and having a drink. Wanna come?” I mulled it over for a second before I agreed. It’s been a while (two years) since I felt this refreshed after going to sleep. I told Mikasa it would be nice to see everyone together again and called Jean a horse.

                   “Wow,” Mikasa breathed. It was weird hearing Mikasa is awe. “You almost sound like the old Eren.” I felt myself flinch from her statement. I hurriedly got the time and place from Mikasa and hung up before she could utter any goodbyes. She just had to say that. The old Eren was long dead and there was nothing anyone could do to bring him back. I understood where she was coming from, however; I missed the confident and cocky me. The me that wasn’t afraid to speak up and speak his mind. The old me would actually put up a fight against Levi when he tried to torture him and cringed when he saw his maniacal smile. Now, I didn’t flinch when Levi afflicted pain, I didn’t run when that smile graced his face. I just didn’t want to fight anymore; I was so tired.

                   I was tired of pretending to be the me that was long gone. I was tired of pretending that being in social environments made me uncomfortable. I was tired of slapping on that fake friendly smile or that dumb cocky smirk or, even worse, that shit eating grin. I was tired.

                   I plopped down on my sofa and heaved a sigh. I was sure I was going to have a great day, but with one string of words it was totally ruined. The old me would have brushed it off and carried on, but now. Another sigh escaped my open lips and I turned on my side and faced the back of my couch. The tight, dark grip of panic wanted to grip me, but I ignored it for now and felt my eyelids tug down over my eyes.

 

* * *

 

                   I was walking through an abandon parking lot. The land seemed as it was cursed since the ground was dull gray and the scattered trees were bare and dead. There were a few cars scattered between here and there. All of them from what I’ve seen had their window busted out and a least one car door open. It wasn’t one of the most disturbing settings, but that could change from how Levi felt. At the very edge of the lot, I could see a dull glow of lights and I wondered what waited for me beyond this creepy lot.

                   I was walking for an eternity and a half when I came across the front of a…circus? I never said that Levi wasn’t creative, but this was the most disturbing setting ever. It would have been appropriate if the circus was also dull and gray, but no it was bright, lively even though no one was around for miles. I heard the creepy circus tune echoing throughout the ground.

                   The front gate creaked open without assistance. A normal person would hesitate to walk through, but I was well passed that point. I walked through the gate and the lights instantly got bright and the music increased in volume. The music almost made me ears ache, but I ignored the pain and continued until I found a map.

                   The map seemed to be drawn by a child and colored in by pastel crayons. It took me a while to decipher and when I finally did I discovered that the ‘Haunted House’ ride was to the far east of me and in between was the Farris Wheel and the teacups. To the west of me was a multitude of food trucks and the more extreme roller coasters. I knew that Levi was waiting for me at the haunted house. I didn’t want to test his patience so I made haste.

 

* * *

 

                   I was half way passed the teacups when a low tenor called out for me. I whipped around and saw that Levi was casually leaning against one of the tea cup shaped seats with a stoic face. If I wasn’t in this situation Levi would be smoking hot, but instead all I saw was a maniac. It was honestly a shame, but I no time to reflect upon that. Levi’s lips were moving and I wasn’t listening at all. My body stiffened as the realization set in. Levi _hated_ it when I didn’t listen and I knew that swift punishment would ensue. Levi cleared his throat and asked me with frustration evident in his voice if I was listening at all. I shook my head numbly knowing it was no point in me lying since I knew that he would know I was lying or not.

                   The raven haired male clicked his tongue in irritation and threw his thumb over his shoulder. He told me that we were going to ride the teacups. He specifically pointed to a teacup with a broken handle. It was odd seeing an imperfection among perfection. I pushed the thought away and hurriedly walked passed and climbed into the seat. I glanced around the inside and noticed there was no sort of buckles or handles. It worried me extremely not knowing how fast Levi could make the teacups whirl and spin.

                   Levi slid into the seat across from me and stretched his arms against the curved edge of the teacup. He kicked up his left leg and laid it across his right thigh. Those sharp and dark features of his face were still blank, but the malice and anger in his eyes was evident. It was obvious that I was tense, my shoulders stiff, my fists balled on my lap, and my eyes everywhere but Levi’s face. Levi snapped his fingers and the teacups lurched forward and began to move.

                   Levi sat back further and started to explain that the teacups are connected with his emotions. He tilted his head down to where it almost touched his shoulder and gave me his maniacal smirk.

                   “We are going to have a conversation.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (SPOILERS) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
> ARMIN IS THE NEWEST TITAN OMG, I WILL BE REFERNCING THIS IN THE NEXT CHAPTER AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
> SO EXCITED I CAN BARELY CONTAIN IT  
> I DO LOVE ERWIN SWEAR TO GOD, BUT HE WAS IN THE WAY OF MY ERENXLEVI SHIP ANYWAY  
> Btw why would they make us pick like that? Next thing you know they'll make us pick between Mikasa or Levi and I'll scream "FUCK MIKASA!!!!!!!!!!"  
> I swear iI never use caps like that
> 
>  
> 
> I love reading the comments. Please leave more <3


	5. Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi explains

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reason this chapter is so short is because school and I have no idea when I'll be able to crank out another chapter sooo....here! I hope you enjoy this and I assure you next chapter I'll actually have the bar scene.
> 
> Btw this chapter is dedicated to @Juuzou84, @Jomenil, and @BottomErenIsLife! I'm so sorry I couldn't personally reply to you and promise I will next time!!

“We are going to have a conversation.” What? Conversation? A normal conversation usually involved a lack of violence and blood. Would Levi be able to pull that off? Would I be able to steer away from words that may make Levi vicious? My mouth dried at the thoughts of how Levi would kill me on this spinning, twirling ride. I was thinking about just throwing myself off the ride when Levi cleared his throat and glared at me. Shit, I forgot he could read my thoughts.

                   “What,” I croaked and swallowed trying to get some form of moisture in my mouth, “do you want to talk about?” Levi gave a small smirk and covertly covered it with one of his beautiful hands. I cringed thinking that Levi’s hands were beautiful and focused back on the words pouring from behind his hand.

                   “If I remember correctly, you have tried to ask me what I am at least four times, correct?” He purred darkly and narrowed his eyes at the memory. Right, when my mouth was regaining moisture it immediately went back to being a dry desert. I felt the blood draining from my face when the memories came flooding back, all filled with pain and more blood than what I thought my body could hold. “I’m going to finally answer your question.”

                   I couldn’t stop the squint of my eyes and Levi clearly noticed it from his eyebrow raising in question. I returned back to by tense posture and dumbly opened my mouth, but nothing came from it. I wanted to say some snappy, witty comeback, but I was afraid how he would react. I nodded and politely gestured for the raven to continue.

                   “Do you believe in fate, Eren? Destiny? I never did. I was born in a world separate from what humans can perceive. I was born alone and thought for the longest, I thought I would die alone. I wandered for years, centuries even, with only shadows of real humans passing by until…you.” Levi paused in his explanation and turned to look away to the blur of the circus around us, “I was…surprised. Happy, almost, but that was before I met another one like me. She told me what it meant to be like us. What I had to do to see you every night and how to keep you with me _forever._ You see, my kind gets extremely jealous when we see others with partners and will try to snatch them away. So I have to leave my mark on you every night.” To say I was stunned was an understatement. I knew that Levi wasn’t human like me, but him confirming this made my stomach sink. The only thing that kept me from full-on panic was that Levi never put a _name_ to what he was. It was obvious that he knew what he was since he met another like him, which was another topic that I decided not to freak about for now.

                   “Ummm, Levi?” I squeaked out. I cringed at how small my voice was, but since his hands weren’t wrapped around my neck I took my talking as a good sign. The raven focused back to me and raised an eyebrow in enquiry. I cleared my throat, tried not to squirm, and continued to ask my question.

                   “You explained everything, but what exactly are you?” Levi hummed for a minute as if he was trying to pull a memory and snapped with his hand that was previously covering his face. The gesture was cute, but I pretended that I didn’t think that.

                   “She said our kind were called Outsiders.” After that, he didn’t say anything. Levi leaned further back on his side and enjoyed the feeling of wind whipping through his hair. I sorta of appreciated the time to soak all the information up. If I was honest with myself the new information was more terrifying than when I was left in the dark about what he was. Plus, there was now the knowledge that they were more of his kind lurking in the shadows. The only thing that comforted me that there was no way he could pass over my world.

                   Slowly, the teacups started to slow down and finally stop. Levi lazily lifted his head back and locked eyes with me. We stared at each other for what seemed like forever. Suddenly Levi stood and exited the teacup with elegant legs. Elegant? I really needed to stop. When I made sure that he was far enough from the seat I made my way out and stood awkwardly on the pedestal, alone. I knew that this was pretty much Levi’s domain, but damn could he ease up on the creepy?

                   A fluttering noise echoed and right before me was a piece of paper. I plucked it from the air and read the message aloud, “You can go now.”

 

* * *

 

I slowly dragged myself from slumber and found myself still on my couch. I unlocked my phone and saw that it was about half an hour before I was supposed to meet with Mikasa and everyone else at some bar. The dream made me forget about the turmoil that Mikasa made me feel and I threw myself into getting myself ready before the thoughts could spill back into my mind.

I was pulling a dark blue sweater over my head when I heard a car horn honk outside my house. I stuffed my wallet into my back pocket and ran out the door, and locked it of course, and stilled when I saw the vehicle waiting for me.

A dark blue Toyota 86 2016 was parked in my driveway and even though I haven’t seen the car in two years it was still sparkling in the sun’s dimming rays. The driver stood outside of it, he’s foot still inside the car, and called for me.

“Come on bastard! I don’t want to keep Marco waiting!” I prayed to any gods that Marco was in the car also because I didn’t think I could sit in a car with Jean without strangling him, no matter how mentally damaged I was. I walked over to the passenger side and peeked into the window and, thank God, Freckled Jesus was happily sitting there humming along to the latest popular pop song.

I threw open the car door, slid into the back seat, and slammed the door shut. I turned to see Jean glare at me for ‘harming his baby’ but I shrugged and smirked at the horse. The bastard deserved it. Why didn’t I use my own car? This drive was going to be long, at least I brought my headphones.

“Thanks for joining us tonight, Eren. I’m sure everyone will be happy to see you.” The freckled Italian greeted me with a truly sparkling smile that reminded me of the time I had a crush on him in middle school. I was about to say something, but the horse had to add in his input.

“I’m not happy. I wished he stayed holed up forever.” Marco smacked Jean’s arm to silence him but it was too late. The damage was done. Why was everyone spouting shit to me? It seemed like the two people that didn’t say anything damaging was Marco and Levi. _Levi._ The actual bane of my existence. I rather be trapped in Marco’s skin and have to horse face every morning than see Levi again. Well, that’s how I used to feel, but now? I have no idea what to feel. He did say I was his life partner or something, whatever the shit that meant.

I pulled my headphones from my pocket and tucked them into my ears. I knew that Marco would try to start up a conversation, but I already knew my night was ruined and nothing could change that. I clicked shuffle and an oddly catchy Korean song started to flow into my ears.

I was shaken awake and my eyes shot open. Panic flooded my system. Shit! I feel asleep. The pain, the suffering, the agony, the despai-

“Eren! We’re at the bar! Snap out of it man!” Jean’s voice broke through my terror. My eyes flitted around and checked my surroundings. There were no creepy, dull grays, and I could see Marco’s very concern face. What? First, Levi didn’t kill me in a dream and now _no_ nightmares?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any guesses who 'she' is? What do you think of the work so far? Any nightmare themes you want to add? Tell me, please!!!!  
> P.S The song is mentioned is this chapter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aE0jGE75SRU


	6. Gratitude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren finally opens up, although only a small portion is revealed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the long absence! There was just so much school work piling up and now I'm conducting interviews in the LGBTQ+ community and I had paper after paper due. So...here I am with a short, but still plot filled chapter. Next time I promise to have a longer chapter. (P.S if you also read The Very Best, I should updating that soon too)  
> (P.S.S Shout out to Abondonessence for the lovely comment)

Jean, Marco, and I walked into the small and homey bar. Marco would shoot me worried looks, but I promptly ignored it, something that I grew custom to. We stepped inside the bar and instantly spotted our group since Sasha was practically screaming for more onion rings. Connie roared in laughter and banged on the table in his mirth.

                   We walked up to the three tables pushed together in the corner of the establishment and was warmly greeted by our loud friends.

                   “Hey! Eren, my main man is here! You owe me twenty bucks Connie!” The bulky blonde, Reiner shouted. The bald male grumped under his breath and pulled out a crumpled bill from his back pocket. Reiner gladly plucked it from his fingers and clapped me on the back with a wide smile.

                   “It’s great that you can make it out, Eren. Everybody missed you even if Jean won’t admit it.” Jean tried to protest, but Marco shut him up with a knowing smile. I nodded to everyone and sat myself between Mikasa and Armin, the two people I felt most comfortable around. It’s not like I didn’t love my other friends. I did, immensely. It was just that after so much time of being practically silent I saw how outgoing my other friends were. I knew I used to be one of those bright, beautiful people. Those were just oblique memories now.

                   “Hey, Eren. How are you doing?” Armin said in a quiet voice while Reiner and Sasha had an onion ring eating competition and the waitresses tried to hush our rambunctious group.

                   “I’m doing okay, Ar. Why?”

                   “Why? Last time I saw you, you were running into the woods on the brink of a panic attack.” Armin tried to keep his voice down, but by the end he was loud enough to catch Mikasa’s attention. I could see her sharp eyes flit over to us and I tried to keep my eyes on the space in between Armin’s big, blue eyes.

                   “I’m alright.” I gritted out painfully. I didn’t want to sound so tense, but having this conversation just reminded me of the pain of the dream and truth that Levi told me. The truth that I have no way of confirming. The truth that terrified me. The truth that tied me to Levi forever. I tried to shake myself from these deep, consuming thoughts, but the idea of Levi and I stuck together into infinity terrified me to my core.

                   I almost jumped out of my chair when I felt a firm hand land on my shoulder. For a fleeting moment, I thought that Levi had somehow appeared in this small bar. I looked over with wide eyes and saw grey orbs calmly analyzing my reactions. Great.

                   Without a word, she grabbed my hand and tugged me toward where I presumed the restrooms were. She gave a slight nod to Bertholdt, because everyone’s attention was now being held by Connie and Jean racing to see who can chug their chocolate milkshakes the quickest.

                   When we made our way to a small, quiet corner (far, far away from our friends) and Mikasa turned to me with the same worried eyes that I have grown used to. She looked down for a moment, tightened her red scarf and took in a deep breath. Those razor greys met with mine green once again and she opened her mouth.

                   “For about two months, I’ve been having strange dreams,” My breath caught and I could swear my heart stopped beating and jumped out of my mouth. If Mikasa noticed my extreme discomfort of this topic, she ignored it and continued speaking. “It’s always somewhere dark and quiet…and creepy. It has the atmosphere of a nightmare. However, there is always this blonde woman…waiting for me, calling me. I think she’s like a siren or at least a succubus.”

                   I know that Levi didn’t expand about the woman who told him about his kind, but there was no doubt in my mind that she was the same woman who was now haunting one of the most important people in my life. I could not let Mikasa fall into the despair that I know wallow in. She acted like she was hard and her heart was made a steel, but I knew that she was soft and her feelings could be easily torn to shreds. I would not let her fall into despair.

                   “Mikasa, look at me.” I snapped and clasped my hands on her shoulders. Her eyes grew wide from surprise, but didn’t look away from me. This was one of the few times I took the lead in a conversation. “Whatever she says, do not fall for it. I’m not saying to run. No, that will only make it worse. Just give in, but do not listen to her words. They are only filled with poison. A poison…” That will corrupt your mind, body, and soul. A poison that will rot you and destroy you. It will leave like a living shell…like me…

                   I felt something glide across my cheek. I realized that my eyes had closed at some point in warning Mikasa. When I opened them I caught sight of the extremely distraught raven also on the brink of tears. Both of her hands cupped my cheeks and she leaned in, making the space between us much more intimate.

                   “How long…”

                   “Two.” I choked out. At this point it was useless to try to stop crying in public, so I just let the tears flow freely. It refreshing to finally lift some of the burden that felt like lead strapped to my chest. I needed for someone to also carry this burden, no matter how selfish it was.

                   “Two what?”

                   “Years.” I sobbed and then I told Mikasa a small portion of what the nightmares where like. I vague described Levi, but did not give any details. I didn’t want him going after her. I also went around the detail of my numerous deaths throughout this extended time period. It felt too intimate.

                   When I finished my spiel. The raven leaned back and locked gazes with me. We stared at each other, not aware that some of the employees were giving us odd looks, not aware that our friends had noticed our absence from the new ‘Sink the Titanic’ game.

                   “Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw in the last chapter the 'oddly catchy Korean' song was Dope by BTS. Their new album is out, if you don't already follow them, and it is AMAZING. All of the solos are MIND BLOWING and I cannot pick my favorite of them all. I think the closest thing to favorite solo is MAMA, a really good song. AM I WRONG, 21st Century Girl, and of course BLOOD SWEAT AND TEARS


	7. Relationships

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mazes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back after much stress and work.
> 
> Please do not comment on works about other works, thank you.

“Thank you,” she whispered, her breath brushing against my ear. She slid a soothing hand up and down my back. She suggested that we leave the bar early. I could not agree more.

                We decided that I should stay over her apartment for the night. I did not to cause more worry for Mikasa and the very thought of sleeping alone terrified me. I had no doubt that Levi would revert to his old ways tonight and I needed someone to be there to catch me from my fall.

 

“Eren, you can have the guest room.” I nodded lethargically and slunk down the hall and into the slightly familiar room. There was always some conflicting feeling around Mikasa. There were so many beautiful memories of our shared childhood, but the last two years have been filled with uncomfortable silences, long speeches, and worried glances. I never wanted that worried look or that small, weak smile. I wanted that sly smirk surrounded by our friends' boisterous laughing. Those days were long gone and I mourn them every day.

                I sat down on the soft, billowy bed and a hard realization hit me. I wanted to go back. I wanted to go back to the days where I did not feel uncomfortable around my friends. Where my friends all laughed and enjoyed being around each other. Where there were no such things as an ‘awkward silence’. Where we could have the biggest of fights and there would be no hard feelings after harsh words and harsher fists were thrown about.

                I fell sideways, lying upside down on the bed, my socked feet on the pillow and my head almost on the end of the bed. I stared at the wall as I felt tears sliding down my cheeks from the painful nostalgia. As small sobs took over my body, my eyes got heavier and heavier until slept claimed my consciousness.

                White, at first it was only a blinding white. For a moment I did not know whether this was a nightmare starring Levi and my suffering or not. Out of these two excruciating years, I could not recall a dream that started with white. My body almost went slack with relief at the thought of avoiding pain again, but that was short lived when a deafening glow erupted from somewhere behind me. My eyes started to flicker around, finally taking in my surroundings.

                Was I in a maze? Or what seemed like a maze. In front of me was a long hallway that split apart, one leading to the left and the other leading to the right. I wanted to already start running, but it felt like my feet were glued to the floor.

                “Eren…,” Levi’s voice rang out from somewhere overhead. I could not pinpoint the exact location, but I was sure that this time it did not originate from my head, “Eren, I’m going to test you. If this relationship is going to work, there are going to be sacrifices.”

                “Levi! I thought you said this was over! Please!” I screamed to the ceiling. My only answer was another earthshaking growl. I yelped and started to sprint ahead. Through the adrenaline, I noticed that my feet were unfrozen, but I was too focused on running and turning to the right. Up ahead was another long hallway. There was a corridor a little up ahead, which lead to the right, and further down there was a three-way split, one leading ahead and the others leading to the left and right. I could the brash clack of hooves stomping on the ground behind me. I swallowed the scream bubbling up in my throat and rushed forward.

After that it was a mindless pattern of turning and running, sometimes I would hit a dead end would have to rush out of there before it found me. Every time that would happen I would swear that I could it laughing behind me and licking its chops in hunger. I shuddered at the thought of what its teeth looked like and continued to run.

                “Our relationship is like a maze, you want to take your time with it, but,” I took a sharp right turn and sprinted as the voice echoed throughout the maze. I was getting tired; my breath was rushing from my open mouth in rough staccatos and my legs felt like jelly. I kept running, “time is running out. We are forced to rush to get to the end. This will be filled with pain and despair.”

                There was a fork in the path. Left or right? The thunderous growling was getting closer and closer. I had to make my decision or get torn to shreds by the monster behind me. I took my chances and chose left at the last moment. I could hear the monster’s jaw snap shut on the air with a loud ‘clack’.

                My breath was getting heavier and at any moment my legs could give out, but the adrenaline kept my legs moving. In front of me was another turn, I spun on my heel and SMASH! I crashed face first into a white, opaque wall, now stained with red. I could feel blood trickling from my nose, but larger matters were on my mind right then. I could those larger stomps echoing behind me. I could hear the disgustingly moist sound of its tongue licking at its maw. I could feel its warm and dank breath huffing against the nape of my back. I could smell its breath, filling my nose with the scent of rotting flesh and sickly sweet blood.

                “Are you going to just stand there? Are you going to let this beast devour you?” Levi’s voice mocked me from above my head. I let my head fall forward and thumped against the wall. I slid down and let sobs take over my body.

                “What do you want me to do?!” I screamed at the voice. The monster behind me growled at my volume, but I continued, “I can’t fight it! I can’t even— “

                The monster grew tired of my shrill, exhausted voice and picked me up by the back of my neck. Its hands were covered in fur and wet. I tried to pry its hands from my neck, but I was too weak. My one hand could barely wrap two of its fingers. It was not cutting off my airway, but I still thrashed in hopes that it would drop me. When I pulled a hand away I say that was covered in blood. The monster was wet with blood.

                My body went limp and I waited for its jaws to tear me apart. And waited. And waited. I started to wiggle around a bit and the monster huffed in…amusement?

                “L-levi?” The monster snorted in acknowledgment and slowly set me down to my feet.

                “Are you going to turn around?” The voice was now right behind me, brushing up against me. I did not know whether to feel relief or burning rage.

                “Why do you always do this to me?” I choked out through sobs. Two bare, human arms, still covered in gore wrapped around my middle. I felt Levi set his head on my back, right under my nape.

                “Because I love you because I want this relationship to work.”

                “This is no relationship,” I whispered.

**Author's Note:**

> What do you think? I love feedback and maybe some ideas for future nightmare settings?


End file.
